edit: I am aware that Advocate Sam Connor has linked to this article on X. I don’t mind that.

However, I do mind incorrect information being shared about me.

In 2020 I did not stalk or dox Sam. I was also not paid by anyone at any time, nor would I have accepted money. I did collect complaints.

Sam was the President of PWDA at that time and made comments in public that raised criticism of them.

I made a comment on their public page about this, of my own volition. I no longer agree with my views then. Policing people in public, in their communities, when they are part of minority populations, on the basis of behaviour - is discriminatory. I was wrong to do it. I did not know at that time I was Autistic, and finding out that I was and learning a LOT more about the history of the Disability Rights movement, and the existing connections (and all the awful politics, which routinely targets ND Advocates) has changed my views about my actions and the harm I did. I knew little about transformative justice; or lateral violence.

I remain sorry for my behaviour then. It was wrong. It is never okay to lead a pack against a peer, and public ‘canceling’ of people is awful behaviour. I have held this changed view for a couple of years now; it is not a recent change of heart. I will continue working on being a less shit person for life, and one of the reasons why is these events. When you know better - you are responsible to do better.

I was, after making a public comment, spotted by others who had issues with Sam that I knew nothing about. I was drawn into, and severely egged on by, people who had long-term pursued Sam (which I didn’t know). I was very naive and did not understand anything at that time about how things ‘work’ in the advocacy sector: who to avoid, who to be careful of trusting. I was extremely, extremely wide-eyed, and a bit taken in by fame.

However, these people quickly turned against me when I didn’t do exactly what they wanted, when they wanted, and it became nasty. I have now been harassed, a lot, by one of them. I have had to send them a cease and desist letter because they told a group of other advocates that I had likely abused my child because of our involvement with the child protection system. This was so far past outrageous - and so ignorant of the many structural factors that bring ND mothers and parents into the regular view of child protection - that I decided to take action.

I continue to remain vigilant with this person, and if they ever - ever - say something to other advocates or anyone like that again, I will not hesitate to pursue them for defamation. While I am not wealthy, I have enough on hand to make this happen, and I will. Without any pause.

I do not care what anyone says about me. But keep my child’s name, and my family, out of your mouth. If you can’t, then I will stop you. There are lines you simply do not cross.

That is the context.

What I did in 2020 was wrong. Regardless of whether I was paid or not, it doesn’t matter. It was wrong, and I am sorry for it, and the harm it did to other ND people, and to the community.

x Sarah

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I will keep this note reasonably brief, in that I think the title is almost the whole article and doesn’t require much expansion to explain the point.

Anyone who has ever worked for more than six months or so in the Disability Advocacy Sector in Australia understands that we have an enormous, intractable problem with lateral violence - particularly among women, non-binary and gender non-conforming people.

Few Disabled people who engage in this space escape being perpetrator or victim at some point. The stories are endless, and littered with public cancellings, stalker-like behaviour, and a brutal, endemic vacuum of empathy toward others when it is your turn to be the fox and not the mouse.

I am no exception. I have played my part in this, which I own. My behaviour in 2020 is a great example of a time I was a fox, and behaved unforgivably toward people who - rightly - have still not forgiven me. I do not expect them to. I was a massive tool.

It is my turn right now to be the mouse, and to a large extent I accept this. Maybe it is karma: 2020 coming back to bite me in the bum. I low key think that’s probably okay. I can take my lumps.

There are, also, recurrent architects of pain in the Disability Advocacy world. Those people who - whenever there is a pack - tend to be in the top eschelons of it. They like to direct the action in some way or another, and they bear a grudge like whoa. They sniff around, for years, waiting for an opportunity to put the boot in (or do so through other people).

They operate in group chats, and games of whispers. They are fierce gossips, but excel at ensuring they’re rarely caught out doing so. They mostly fixate on ND women; have multiple social media accounts and flying monkeys to stalk what the people they dislike are doing online; call people’s work engagements to ensure they lose money and employment; ring people for the sole purpose of screaming at them.

They churn through friends and it isn’t usually very long before you go from friend to enemy. All it takes it saying no once or twice, or pointing out that they are treating people well, meanly.

The reason I dislike people like this in the advocacy world is because they drive lateral violence and they thrive off it. They have little that is good to say about anyone, unless they benefit somehow. They do more of their work in public, than in private, and are more committed to their brand, than to doing work without fanfare that gets them no attention or glory.

But why do they do it?

From what I understand, lateral violence is the product of oppression. People who have experienced oppression, put others within the same group down, to elevate themselves. It is ‘sideways hostility’ and comes about because there are limits to how much power we have over our lives, and those that determine our lives. Because punching up is hard, and tiring, we punch sideways instead.

It happens with nurses, and this has been much studied. It happens with women and girls. It happens in queer communities. It happens in Aboriginal communities.

And it happens, a lot, in the Disability community in Australia. We are just so cruel to each other.

I am no expert on lateral violence but I have read a lot because I am fascinated by the topic. Because I am one of those people that mostly finds themself at the pointy end of other people’s aggression. Sure, I am critical of others, but it’s always people with more privilege than me - never less. I do not punch down.

I am, and always have been, that someone who is most likely to be cast out of the village. I don’t really mind that now I am older and less vulnerable to it. There’s a dignity to being cast out. For a start, if I am not desperately chasing clicks, likes, and being seen as The Best Advocate by media/employers/peers, then I am much more free to speak my mind and stick to my values.

And I am too old now to need the approval of others. Justice, I need, but popularity? Meh.

Maybe for a time I had a little bit of it with my instagram account, but I was always an advocate who just happened to be on instagram - I was never a content creator and had no aspirations to be an influencer. I can just as easily live without it, and keep doing advocacy work. Already, myself and others in ANPA are planning out projects to go ahead with.

There is a lot of work to do. That doesn’t change because I am now disliked by some. The work still needs to be done.

Being constantly on social media is very dysregulating and exhausting for me and I am a million times clearer, and more present in my life with it gone. My kid likes me better this way, which he has said. That’s all I need to know really.

I have no answers to the problem of lateral violence in our shared sector. I just know it is there, and really depressing. It is also short-sighted because, well, nothing lasts forever. It will be their turn one day. Nobody gets to be the fox forever.

Wiser people than me are working on lateral violence as an issue and solutions and strategies to dismantle it. I do know that for me, for now, I can see where I am in the cycle of it - and in many ways, that knowledge gives me enough perspective and distance to cope. It is what it is, and I have largely no control over it.

This too shall pass. It always does.

x Sarah