I feel like I have daily convos with Bec at the moment. Looking at these dodgy-as ultrasound scans of my un-lovely lady lumps (checkemout), I can feel her sitting next to me and saying “move over. Your head’s in the light dickhead, I can’t see.”

She’d be googling. My doctor actively encourages me to google (what a wild dude!) even though I am not much of a Dr Googler myself. But I no longer need to google cancerstuff. Walking beside Bec while she went through it has filled my head with everything I wish I didn’t know about cancer.

I know these scans and this report are not great. They’re not the worst but they’re not great either. They’re….unnerving. My GP nodded sagely and picked up the phone as soon as he clocked the pics today, and has sent me to a maxillofacial surgeon for further investigation. He was pushy af on the phone to the specialist for the soonest appointment possible to get in there and get cracking.

He also referred to the lumps as cancerous and quickly corrected himself (“um, possibly cancerous”). Lol, doc, why?!

Those ‘sus’ (as my youngin would say) lumps are reactive but painless (weirdly, this is bad), show increased hyperaemia (means something is afoot and growing - potentially dodgy) and show a thickening cortex (very dodgy), plus there’s more than one of them, and one is quite big, and not getting smaller - all of which is a possible early sign of cancerthings. However, the fatty hilum is still somewhat preserved, which is good.

The best outcome after nothing, would be a chronic health condition; and after that, probably follicular thyroid cancer or Hodgkin’s Lymphoma (due to very high 5-year survival rate - the mild colby cheese of cancer) - but could also be early signs of metastasis from another unknown source (early is good, but metastasis into the lymph nodes is overall very bad. This is more like an aged blue vein that drops you at 60 paces).

Fucken great, body, well done you champ. :/

Thankfully, my tits are clear, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t something brewing elsewhere. I am eyeing everything with suspicion right now. Cervix, brain, knees, lungs - in fact, everything - consider yourself on watch. If I need to let people come at you with a scalpel, better believe I will.

I have weird aches and pains in my chest and arm and shoulder and I am pretty tired. Do I know what any of this means? Fuck no. I just know I am very annoyed right now.

Anyway, what a crap day. I just want to stick a needle in this bish and find out what the fuck is happening inside my body, even if that is nothing of note.

Thankfully, the NDIA saw fit to restore my support worker funding budget yesterday, which was decent timing from them. So I did have my (excellent) support worker Shona with me. Who is now putting dinner on. I am very tired, so thank you to her.

Anyway. Here’s hoping for - as my neighbour Bella said - no cheese, and if we must have cheese, colby only.